i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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