I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dignity is for republicans.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
