K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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