when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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