Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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