I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
