At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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