and she was petting her beer can
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
