Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
