I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
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Edward fifth and chaser hands
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
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No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
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