Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
