An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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