1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
