Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
