btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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