that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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