oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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