I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
