Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
