Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
