Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
