now i know why i became what i already was.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
