I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
