yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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