STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My dick has a subreddit
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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