my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
