Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize