Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
