About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
