I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
