i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
