the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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