i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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