just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
