i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
