i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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