i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
