did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
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I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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