Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
