sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
