I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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