I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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