If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize