i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
