I accidentally burped into my bong.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
