Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
A bitchslap is in order.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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