I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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