what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
