I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm getting married
To pizza
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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