I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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