I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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