Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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