toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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