I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Shitshow foam night was such a success
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
