dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
