First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
