Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Randomize
