I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize