Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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