If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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