I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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