he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I wish there were birth control emojis
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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