i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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