So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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