12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
