I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
