I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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