Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
