He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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