first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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